Winston Churchill said, “When you are going through hell, keep going.”  I wouldn’t necessarily say that I am going through hell, but having cancer is no picnic.  Actually, and pardon my French, it downright sucks.  Suck is a four-letter word in our household, in our “crass” category.  But, if one of my children walked up to me and said, “Mommy, cancer sucks.”, I would wholeheartedly agree, give a high-five of solidarity, and send them on their merry little way.

In talking to a friend last week about what this road has been like so far, we landed on a great analogy.  Dealing with cancer is a lot like the wonderful children’s song/book We’re Going on a Bear Hunt.  First, you realize there is a real bear, and he is going to eat you.  Then you start running.  (With cancer, you run at the bear.)  As you run what feels like a marathon to make it home safe and sound, there are numerous challenges along the way.  Biopsies, waiting for test results, hearing the results, more tests, waiting more, telling your kids, getting a port, wig shopping, starting chemo, living the side effects of chemo, loosing hair, surgery, radiation, and more surgery.  “We can’t go over it.  We can’t go under it.  Oh, no! We’ve got to go through it!”

My first encounter with the cancer bear was finding the lump.  Having a sobering family history of breast cancer, I have been keen on doing my self breast exams.  With a pit in my stomach, I made an appointment to see the doctor.  Grace showed up in the form of courage and that has been true ever since that lump-finding day.  Ladies, consider this my big plug to faithfully do your self breast exams.  And get those mammograms.  Be like Oprah and schedule it on your birthday so that at least you get cake and presents on the same day.  Looking back at my lump finding day, it is a day of great mercy.

Samuel Rutherford, a Scottish pastor in the 1600s, is at the top of my list of people to have coffee with one day when I arrive in Heaven. He writes, “You must learn to make evils your great good, and to spin out comforts, peace, joy, communion with Christ, out of your troubles, that are Christ’s wooers to speak for you to himself.”  (Read that again…it’s rich stuff.)  I am learning how to “spin out” better.  And God has proved a very faithful refuge as I have poured out my heart to him (Ps. 62:8).  Spinning out is much easier to do with others helping, so thank you.  This cancer bear will meet a legion full of ninjas this Tuesday morning starting at 8:15.  It’ll be a long day…8 hours for this first treatment.  I’ll be doing a lot of spinning out Tuesday and resting in the promises of Isaiah 43, “…you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…”

I’ll sign off with a little vignette about this bear hunt.  Last Wednesday, Mom and I went wig shopping.  I wish it was for Halloween, but the reality is I have about three weeks until my hair will give up and fall out.  Can’t go over it, can’t go under it, but I sure can wear some great fake hair!  Mom and I started the day spinning good out of a crummy reality.  We found two great styles that looked remarkably similar to my hair in its natural state (curly) and straightened.  That was a relief.  The fun part?  The try-on wigs only came in blonde.  So here you are friends, blonde Anne…

I bought both wigs in my color matched brunette hair and then got in the car and cried.  That’s how it is. You face the challenge ahead, watch God pour out his grace and mercy to hold you as you go through it, and then grieve and let him do the work of binding up broken hearts (Ps. 147:3).  He can and he will.